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the much dreaded release of results is tml.. arghhhhh panic-attack.. ha.ha.ha. no anxious to know my results cos i knew it from my heart that it'd be bad.. just that..... dont know how bad.. T.T no time for regrets now.. when i shld've worked hard i didn't.. n gone were those days where i can comprehend most of the things handed down to me.. i cant conc in class.. nth go into my head during lectures.. n.. worse of all.. i din work hard.. so bad results are expected.. expected.. though my heart screams "noooo!!".. T.T

i'm such an idiot.. time cannot go back.. i shld stop dreaming.. i spent my life carelessly.. not knowing where it'll take me.. de2 guo4 qie3 guo4 all the time.. aimless.. goalless.. eventually.. homeless? hope not.. grrr

feeling feverish.. pre-taking-results-syndrome? sian

- dont follow my footsteps i tell u -

Your Japanese Name Is...

Nami Kaoin

Your Japanese Name Is...

Yumako Yamashina

hahaha.. now having recovered.. back to talking abt my fave topic of all time.. animes.. yep yep.. smth i saw during yest epi of juuni kokki inspired me to write this.. heeeees..

i really find juuni kokki a really great series.. one of my real faves!!! i find.. this series has the most memorable quotes.. at least to me.. cos the onli quote that i can rmb since i 1st started to watch anime comes from here.. yeahh.. wad to do? i have poor memory.. like during an epi.. i really like one quote.. den after the epi ends.. forget alr.. hahhaa..

yeahh.. abt the onli one quote i can rmb.. not that i rmb the exact wording.. when that epi shows again(soon i think).. i'd take note of the exact wording.. but it somehow goes llike this: "there're only 2 kinds of ppl who'd cry.. one is when they're really really sad.. the other is when they're feeling sorry for themselves...." how true.. how very true.. i wonder if the reason i've always rmb this quote is because i always do the latter stated in the quote.. hmmm hmm..

thinkin back to the times i'd cried.. many times at that.. most of the time(the times i cried when not watching a moving show/reading a touching novel)i think i'm always feeling sorry for myself.. sure i always think abt this quote whenever i cry.. but i still cant stop the tears flowing.. i'm weak.. totally.. so much said that this is a very memorable quote to me.. but i still cant get strong enough to onli cry when i'm sad n still cries when i'm pitying no1 but myself.. =.= guess ppl needs time to grow(hmmm excuses? haa)..

very funny.. my fave char of the show is this krin named taiki.. a seeming weak child but with a strong, kind n syphatising heart.. a child who has always feel different from others.. who'd been outcasted.. a kirin who doesnt have a shirei.. who cant transform.. yet such a child.. defeated the strongest monster in that land to defend a person impt to him.. ahhh i like this kind of person.. maybe it's my desire to be able to become stronger oneday? haahhaa.. heyhey.. he's the cutest char in the series.. ^^

another 1 of my fave would be.. shokei(or sonsho dunno her name la keep changing de).. anyway.. i have no idea y i like this spoilt selfish brat.. but somehow i keep thinking abt her when she got beaten by the villagers.. i mean.. ok.. shes the daughter of a very horrid king.. who kills his ppl cos he thinks they're lazy.. which isnt true cos ppl are killed for taking care of their sick child.. or smth like that.. n this horrid king was killed by a man who wants to regain freedom for the ppl.. ie. an rebel.. a good 1.. who took away her title as the princess n selt her to a shelter where she got billied by those ppl whose relatives got killed by the king..

maybe i shld really feel sorry for those who had their loved ones killed by that horrid king.. but i cant help but feel more for her instead.. the ignorant selfish brat who used to hate every1 who deny her of what she feels that is rightfully hers(ie. her wealth n immortallity).. the once eternally 13 treasure in the palace who became a normal girl doing manual work everyday at the shelther.. well i feel.. thats a pretty sharp n sudden drop.. from a high status to an ordinary 1.. no wonder she became crazy(not really actually.. haa)..

so yeahh she dont know all the stuff her dad does outside the palace.. so shld she still be blamed? i really dont know.. how many times have ppl push responsibility cos they "dont know".. well that i dont know either.. hmmmpt.. it's easy to say "i dont know" than to make the effort to know isnt it? haha every1's lazy.. i know that! XP but really glad to see that she'd matured ever since meeting rakushun(a really powerful person who had change 3 women that i know of.. haha kiddin).. yep yep.. i like her even more after that.. that pretty grey hair.. hahaha..

aiya.. i blogged so much le.. missed the 9pm show.. now 9.38 liao.. kk still have somemore to go b4 i go on the tv.. haha..

currently it's the 3 girls arc.. 3 girls of diff background, time n location.. whose fates will intertwine n then become great friends.. i like this arc alot.. abt the weak, crybaby suzu who had lived for 100yrs in fear n nv once tried to find that happiness which is always lurking in a corner for her to discover it.. n the spoilt princess who hates the world ever since her parents were killed n her striped of her title.. n the inexperienced queen whoes trying hard to discover herself n understand her ppl's need.. i can watch this anime numerous times n nv get sick of it.. ^^

ooh what else i wanted to talk abt huhs? cant rmb.. now.. off to watch tv alr.. XD

- only we ourselves can open the gate to our heart.. we all need to find the little flower beside our legs.... -

i could have been in better mood now.. but it's was ruined by my idiot excuse for a brother.. i'm so pissed.. the more i think the worst i get.. i tried to calm myself down.. i think.. unlike some1 else.. but i have such bad/short temper that thinking right doesnt get me anywhere.. sometimes my thoughts are for revenge to get back at him.. of cos i know i wont do all those things but even thinking of them makes me feel so shallow.. i'm such a conceited, ugly person! haiis..

but really.. his actions really puts me off.. wad an idiot.. a really selfish, self-centered IDIOT! hey.. not saying i'm any much better than him myself for i know.. i'm selfish.. i know.. but he obviously cant see how selfish n self-centered he is.. like the whole world is his.. my home is only considered as a place for him to rest + play comp+ watch tv+ slp+ do his own business.. has he been considering here as his home he wouldn't do all that he did.. wont go into details.. =.=

so he expects us to mind our own business n leave him as he is.. hey.. if we're as self-centered as him we will!! but this is our home n our family.. do we not have the right to ask him abt smth? will he really feel so offened that he would call out foul names??!?!? it's not like he's going to be harmed in the process of answering.. his mouth is going to decay if he even ans our qns? omg no right! just spend 2 sec to ans will kill him????!?!?!??! I HOPE SO! so pissed off.. at his all-mighty attitute.. so wad.. so wad he's stronger than me.. so wad he's taller than me.. so wad??!?!??!?!??!?! so he can cast off the thing that's impt to each n every1 in the world? that's respect.. to be living in the same house.. to share the same blood.. omg he sleeps a bed away at night.. all we have in common is this false facade we put up everyday in front of each other!! i hate it.. i hate myself even.. to be bothered by such a creature.. but.. he's my brother.. my onli brother at that.. cant he even give me a single ounce of respect? i may be weak.. a crybaby.. a nerd.. unsociable.. fake.. i still want someone who'd care abt my feelings b4 saying smth/doing smth to me..

wad the.. there i was pissed at him.. here i'm pitying myself.. wad an idiot i am too!! back to scolding.. =.= he makes my mom angry every day.. the same person whom cared n love him more than any1 else!! show his damn attitude everytime she ask him abt anyth.. come on.. any1 else would be asked by their parents where they're going like almost everyday!! like he has anyth to lose.. even if he's irritated by those qns he shld still ans.. cos she's his mom right??!??!?! guess wad he said to my mom when she ask her wad time he leaving for sch? "wei4 shen3 me4 ni3 yao4 zhi1 dao4?" oh right.. he qn back.. hoho.. like he dont wad kind of person she is.. just have to make her angry.. like she isnt pissed off everyday at work being scorned by those ppl workin with her? =.= a simple ans: 8am or smth like that would have been fine.. so my mom has no right to even ask him wad time he goes out.. not like she'd intefere or wadsoever.. totally pisses me off.. not matter what is said to him.. he doesn't care.. looking macho n talkin loud is all he can do to hide his pathetic self.. i'd see if that heck-care attitude of his will bring him anywhere..

i've learnt that.. in this world.. it's not abt urself everytime.. whether anot u like how things are done.. u just have to adjust urself.. not talking abt changing ur personality or wadsoever.. but those who think abt themselves all the time.. who think that they can rule the world.. who think that they can speak wadever they want cos of the freedom of speech.. to think that they dont have to pay the consequences of their actions.. are just selfish bastards! heyhey.. this earth contains more than 6 billion ppl.. not only urself? whatever u do.. u have to think too abt the ppl ard u.. not? hoho.. but sometimes it's difficult.. to think abt others while thinking abt urself.. i'm not saying like being all noble.. making sacrifices for others.. but 1st thing 1st.. we need to respect others.. so that maybe.. others can learn to respect us too..

although sometimes i feel.. i shldnt think abt wad others think of me.. wad they do to me.. i shldnt change myself to suit them.. but the truth is no1 can truely stay unaffected.. hmmm.. so being just me is too lonely.. in this world with a population of more than 6 billion.. i'm glad that there's a tiny portion of them in this small dot on the world map.. that would sometimes..... think of me..

- they say.. life is a journey.. that's not always smooth.. i say.. if it's smooth.. than it's not life! in the course of this journey.. there'd be discoveries.. n i hope one of them would be a new me.. -

the past few day's i'd been reading naruto manga.. i think i like the anime more.. cos sometimes.. action pictures is better than still ones.. not that the manga isn't interesting.. at least it's better than those fillers now.. hahaha..

kakashi's gaiden has got to be the saddest part of the manga.. kk i onli started reading from that part which is where the anime diverted from the main story.. obito's death is so sad that i was in tears.. yeahh reading a manga.. from the computer screen at that.. it's hard to imagine huhs? hmmmpt but it's really really sad that he just died when he n kakashi finally became friends..

my comp ran out of space liao.. during sun i think.. when i was reading the manga n dl too much stuff.. so stopped my dl-ing for the mo alr.. not that i was watching.. now in manga mood.. dl-ing black cat manga.. which reminds me.. havent go dl the anime.. which then reminds me.. my comp no space le.. hahah

these 2 days at work very hectic.. veryveryvery BUSY.. =.= dun like.. i scared i make mistakes.. which reminds me.. i need to tell rasny abt those outright rejections.. though.. she dun seem like in good mood these few days.. hmmmm.. maybe too stressed?

- kakashi... even even though we finally became friends... i couldn't... finally admit it to rin... i wanted.. to be together with everyone longer... - ~uchiha obito~

it's actually quite relaxing today at work.. i dont know.. maybe there's not that many orders today.. or that my supervisor in quite good mood also.. or that i din log in my phone till late afternoon n din have to entertain any calls at all.. hahas.. but then.. i stil dread calling 1 person.. getting used to call ppl alr.. but just this 1 person i wouldn't like to call at all.. but must call.. =.= cos he's the 1 in charged of releasing the stocks.. but sometimes no matter how many times i called he wouldn't release for me.. make me so pek chek.. den when i call him he also sounded pek chek.. think we call him too many times a day le.. lol

i LOVE fridays.. cos tml no need to work.. can slp late late.. n most likely will be able to dl some more stuff since i'm staying at home.. haiis.. pathetic actually.. staying at home during weekends.. what to do? no place to go.. no dates no appointment.. so.. comp as my company lor.. haha..

just watched blood+ epi 7.. my dl speed quite slow.. can onli dl thru BT.. since i not at home whole day onli can dl an epi a night.. + no time to watch also.. sad.. if i'm not wrong epi 17 is alr out.. hmmmpt.. well this epi is quite an emotional ride too.. i love otousan!!! T.T he's such a terrific guy.. it's actually v fortunate for them to have met him.. even though he's not ard any more.. but the memories are unreplacable.. hmmm hmmm..

i like the song at jy's blog alot.. but for some reason.. when i visit her blog my internet browser will experience some prob.. then it'd shut down then i cant listen to the song alr.. even my sis(who thinks jap/kor songs are "stupid") say it's very nice.. cant believe it at 1st.. but well.. she shld listen to more songs b4 jumping into conclusion next time.. changed my perspective of boa.. maybe sch go search for her songs n listen.. wahahha

-even if we're not blood related.. even if it's difficult to get along at 1st.. even if we get separated.. i'd use boiled rice to stick us back together!- ~otousan, george~

blood+:
just finish blood+ epi 6.. gosh.. the 1st time i cried so much watching an anime.. i didn't even cry watching fma.. T.T it's so terribly sad.. tears just flow out by itself.. to have some1 u love die at ur hands.. the feeling must be horrible.. gosh.. liking this anime more n more.. there's more to it than just plain blood n action.. even if there's not really humor in the show.. it's a rather deprssing show.. will cont to watch on.. it shld have ard 52 epis.. haiis..

black cat:
epi 15 is.. weird.. i wonder if saki has some relation to saya n if there's really such a char in the manga.. well i love saya(hey both blood+ and black cat has chars name as saya).. the way he keeps dreaming of her is.. weird.. i wonder if it's the work of the 'herbal tea'.. lol.. the epi actually looks like a filler to me.. though looking forward to the next epi..

samurai 7:
so the bandits have started to move in.. but their 1st battle is a success.. kanbei must have some weird idea to pretend(i assume they're pretending) to surrender.. to get the bigger bandits i supposed? uh oh.. gng to start soon.. ^^

juuni kokki:
think from here onwards i'd watched most of the epis alr.. but still.. very nice.. wouldn't miss the rest of the show for anyth.. cant wait for.. the grey hair princess to come out(forgot her name).. hmmm

-live through today for tomorrow's sake-

i tried to.. modify a blogskin.. yeahh.. tried.. onli..

a printscreen:


T.T not sucessful cos the words not very visible on the picture.. but i LOVE the pic alot.. dunno how to make a sort of semi transparent table.. but unsuccessful.. now too lazy to try le.. haiis.. wad a failure..

today at work is really hectic.. at 1st i still quite slack.. cos i was doing unity orders.. dun have to rush so fast at 1st.. den suddenly the vita orders came in.. for robinson n john little.. we all had too little time to key.. + need to ask for stocks etc etc.. every1 very rush.. even though got extend the time also like not enough time.. end up need to single-pick quite some orders.. the boss like quite unhappy.. hmmm

then in the end.. after they close.. i found out an unity order that needed to be del by tomorrow.. =.= cannot ask for single pick alr.. the boss is alr not happy.. aiya die la.. but can still push till tml abit.. hmmm

ok enough about work.. it's so boring.. n puts strain on both mind and body! everyday have to rush orders.. panick when the phone rings.. worry about calling those ppl.. sit in front of comp till butt hurts.. headaches everyday..oh myy.. i need a change of env.. but.. hmmm dont think i can find another job alr.. hmmm

hees.. but luckily weekend is approaching.. looking foward to a good rest.. havent been slping alot these few days.. always slept at 12pm++ dozing off at work most of the time(weird thing is during evening den i'd doze off).. really too tired.. hahas..

watched huo yuan jia yest with HJ.. quite nice, the show(but i feel there's smth missing).. thinkin of watch xiao hai bu ben also.. but these few days have OT then think cannot.. nvm.. there's still chance.. heees

yeshhhh.. waiting for samurai 7 to start.. nothing to blog about.. maybe go watch 1 epi of blood+.. been lagging behind for ages.. need to catch up on those animes.. hmmmmmmm

-find my way-

today is one of my most suey day.. =.=

1st.. i got waken up by my grandma at 9 like that when i wanted to slp till 9.30 actually.. but nvm that..

2ndly.. i got hit by some ppl's litter when walking to lakeside.. the person dunno eating wad erxin fruit den throw dont hit directly on my head!! >.< IDIOT!!! grrrrr.. the thing smells v weird.. very SMELLY de!! T.T

den.. wad made me feel worse is that.. i had to pangseh ym at ps.. well the original plan was to go play pool + shop for shoes.. but.. jj wan me go laselle open hse with her.. well.. so we left ym there at ps alone.. GOMEN NEH~ she looked so pissed.. i'm scared.. n really i hate it when ppl ignores me.. pls pls.. any1.. wadever u do.. just dont dont talk to me.. it's scary.. kowaii!! T.T

actually laselle openhse like much better than nafa's.. ok la.. i'm onli accompanying jj la.. not like i'm attending the sch myself.. but if i were to choose.. i think laselle's environment better nehhs.. but it eventually depends on jj herself la.. hahas.. actually gng to laselle makes me think of H&C.. well their setting is also an art sch mahhs.. wonder why i din think of H&C at nafa? maybe the feel isnt right.. or rather.. it's the pottery making which made me think of H&C in the 1st place.. cos it made me think of yamada.. that's right.. now i feel.. it's kind of fun to make ur own bowls n plates etc etc.. hahas..

it's kind of lonely at night..

i dl-ed KAA's vers of fma last nite.. finally fin dl today.. it's huge.. the file is 1.2gig.. but worth it.. the audio is good.. at least when they talk i can hear properly n dun need to strain my ears.. n the background sounds not so terribly loud.. n also.. the subs.. actually.. they didn't change much stuff i think.. except the way they call each other.. adding a -san here n there.. n yeahh.. al calls ed nii-san.. not brother.. hahas.. n there's a really well done karaoke.. i like that OP.. video quality-wise.. sry but i'm a kuzz cant tell the diff.. shldn't differ too much since both are dvd-rips.. ^^ onli sad thing.. there's no disc big enuf to burn this out.. i wanna a dvd burner!! hmmm

hmmm.. that time at work.. i keep thinking abt anime.. cos i wanna watch more.. n the more i visit those forums.. the more i wan to dl those anime which those ppl say is nice.. but alot of them onli available via torents.. n.. if dl will take long time.. + i'm currently dl-ing a couple of animes also.. aiya.. so troubled.. if onli i dun have to work.. hahas.. but dun work no $$$ lehhs.. i wanna go either rent/ buy mangas.. v boring waiting for those ppl(be it jj or ym) b4 work.. so i'm thinking if i have a book or so with me it'd be good.. n manga is kinda small.. can fit in my bag rite? hmmmpt.. but aiya.. i'm kind of poor also.. =.=

i'm a nerd..

dont feel like gng to work tml.. kind of feeling.. "unrested"? hmmm maybe cos i kept going out these 2 days.. i'm in such a holiday mood now.. i wish i can stay at home everyday.. but well.. at least from next week onwards no more late shift.. so i can go home at 5.30pm most of the time.. xcept for my OT day.. but recently v few OTs.. hopefully.. hahas..

i've finally got a printer.. a scaner-cum-printer in fact.. this is good news.. n the thing looks nicer than my old 1.. smaller.. sleeker.. n hopefully.. better.. ^^ but.. i've got nth to scan/print.. maybe can help jj scan some of her stuff.. hahas..

it's kinda late alr..

-it's not snowing outside.. but my heart is freezing....... could it be a snowstorm inside me?-

just finshed this movie a lil earlier.. hmmmmmmmm the best movie made yet!! well to me at least.. brought back fond memories of fma, the series.. as well as sad memories.. happy memories.. well the fma package is a bundle of different emotions.. and all are precious..

i love this movie.. rather sad.. but a good ending i shld say.. not all would agree.. but i think it is a nice ending(somewhat).. though.. i prefer the series' ending.. dont ask me why.. i may just be weird.. but the series' ending has more of an impact i feel.. of the strong love between the 2 brothers.. but again.. i may just be sadist n dont want them to be together.. hahas.. no way man! =P

the version i dl-ed is from a dvd rip.. quality guaranteed.. though i beg to defer.. the audio isn't that good.. i have to on my speaker pretty loud to hear wwhat they're talking abt.. yet.. the backgrounf sound like too loud alr.. or it may just be that i'm abit deaf.. hmmm but well visual wise.. it's a nice treat.. n the speed at which the whole thing dl-ed for me is ard onli 3-4 hrs.. which is considered super short as it's a 700mb+ show.. n that jj dl-ed it for 2 days.. arent i lucky? hahas..

i'm not good at writing reviews.. maybe it's due to my poor command of english.. i have limited vocab.. i cant express well.. or rather.. some things u just have to watch it urself to experience it.. the idea of touka koukan(equivalent trade) wasnt brought out constantly in this movie(unlike the series).. ok maybe i blur din catch it or wad.. however.. it was brought up near the ending.. i get the feeling that the brothers are resigned to the fate that there has to have equivalent trade.. well maybe.. perhaps.. they trade alchemy for them to be able to live together?

hmmmm i guess that no matter where u live.. as long as u're with ppl who respect/love you.. it can be your home.. that's what i believe too.. and we are all.. just.. humans..

well edo, aru good luck in ur travels!! ^^

-this place.. is our home now..-

i changed my wallpaper liao.. comp 1 i mean.. to this very pretty H&C 1.. really love the fma wallpaper i had.. but ever since yest i saw that H&C wallpaper.. i wanted to change liao.. aiya.. i really really love that show.. alot.. hmmm stupid ym..

was watching samurai 7 just now.. now comercial.. the things are getting quite interesting alr.. perhaps like wad i saw ppl saying on the forum.. looking past the actions n futuristic animations n looking at the storyplot n chars.. it is an anime really REALLY worth watching.. very nice.. but i think i like the animation quite abit also la..

junni kokki rocks!!! ahhhhhhhh!! it's the taiki arc.. TAIKI!! yoooooohoooooo.. he's so kawaii.. hehe.. i'm crazy..

i feel hot.. like my skin is warm.. i dont think i have fever.. but maybe it's smth to do with the weather.. cos i dont want to be sick..

these few days at work v slack.. very long nv like this le.. everytime too much things to do.. then now i try to do as slow as i can.. cos really not much things to do.. today the OT ppl also dont need to stay back.. which's good i guess.. hahas..

yest n today got so MANY calls come in!!! omg.. really alot nehhs.. i alr v busy liao(cos suddenly got stuff to do.. though not realli much) den the stupid ppl still come n stress me.. really laa.. i got hanged TWICE.. cos i too blur dunno how to ans their qns.. hope no complains.. but hey.. is they go hang on me not my fault.. but so unfair.. jj n ym(esp ym!!) like no calls go their line.. whereas mine ring just after i hang!!! like so =.=.. how can it be??!! hmmmpt.. i onli like it when christ call in.. she v funny.. hehes

haha.. i spent 3 days writing this entry again.. keep nv post.. the v 1st part.. written on thurs(2/2) den from the part abt juuni kokki on fri(3/2) n now cont on sat(4/2).. so funny.. =P

some updates from yest:
- samurai 7 getting really interesting.. they're fighting the bandits soon.. kikuchiyo is damn funny as usual.. i love the mech samurai.. not handsome.. no skills.. but really interesting n boorish n funny.. ^^
- juuni kokki is SO NICE!! i've seen this epi b4 i think.. cos last time they got show b4.. i started watching from taiki's arc.. i LOVE taiki's arc.. he's my fave char.. aww.. the next epi is one of my fave.. ^^
- FMA:conquerer of shambala(how spell?) is out.. dvd vers.. omg.. i dl-ed it alr.. hahahhaas.. gng watch later.. at 11pm.. maybe will have less disturbance.. den can enjoy it much more.. waited so long for this!!!! yipppeeeees!
- AO's up again.. but then.. i sad.. cos dl tics n points are reset alr.. so cant dl stuff but alot of things to dl lehhs!!! ok i will slowly accumulate the pts again.. hees
- kq, ym n pot came my hse today.. to play bridge.. wad bridge freaks they are.. i wan to rest n watch some tv.. they dun wan.. even after kq left we cont to play big2.. hahas..
- had bakgwa sheng today.. meant to be lao yu sheng mahhs.. but we dun have fish so my sis improvise using bakgwa.. taste nicer lehhs.. haha
- i wan find more new animes to watch.. xcept that.. i havent watch fin all those i'd dl-ed yet.. hahas.. but this season like the shows not bad also.. lol i'm greedy
- my cousin so funny.. really ehhhs.. dunno la.. like he just started using msn.. keep ask me "intro gal gal for me leh.. chio 1 not like zhu 1" hahaa.. stupid.. =.=

it's really nice to take a break.. during weekends.. but i miss the weekdays shows.. the laywer 1, police 1, n my animes!! ^^

hmmm havent organise the gathering with wt n amy they all.. plus havent but wt's bday prez.. drag so long liao.. hmmm see how la.. think gonna contact them soon.. hmmm

-i try too hard sometimes.. i just want to rest-