Saturday, February 25, 2006Y
grrrrrrrrr
i could have been in better mood now.. but it's was ruined by my idiot excuse for a brother.. i'm so pissed.. the more i think the worst i get.. i tried to calm myself down.. i
think..
unlike some1 else.. but i have such bad/short temper that thinking right doesnt get me anywhere.. sometimes my thoughts are for revenge to get back at him.. of cos i know i wont do all those things but even thinking of them makes me feel so shallow.. i'm such a conceited, ugly person! haiis..
but really.. his actions really puts me off.. wad an idiot.. a really selfish, self-centered IDIOT! hey.. not saying i'm any much better than him myself for i know.. i'm selfish.. i know.. but he obviously cant see how selfish n self-centered he is.. like the whole world is his.. my home is only considered as a place for him to rest + play comp+ watch tv+ slp+ do his own business.. has he been considering here as his home he wouldn't do all that he did.. wont go into details.. =.=
so he expects us to mind our own business n leave him as he is.. hey.. if we're as self-centered as him we will!! but this is our home n our family.. do we not have the right to ask him abt smth? will he really feel so offened that he would call out foul names??!?!? it's not like he's going to be harmed in the process of answering.. his mouth is going to decay if he even ans our qns? omg no right! just spend 2 sec to ans will kill him????!?!?!??! I HOPE SO! so pissed off.. at his all-mighty attitute.. so wad.. so wad he's stronger than me.. so wad he's taller than me.. so wad??!?!??!?!??!?! so he can cast off the thing that's impt to each n every1 in the world? that's
respect.. to be living in the same house..
to share the same blood.. omg he sleeps a bed away at night.. all we have in common is this false facade we put up everyday in front of each other!! i hate it.. i hate myself even.. to be bothered by such a
creature.. but.. he's my brother.. my onli brother at that.. cant he even give me a single ounce of respect? i may be weak.. a crybaby.. a nerd.. unsociable.. fake.. i still want someone who'd care abt my feelings b4 saying smth/doing smth to me..
wad the.. there i was pissed at him.. here i'm pitying myself.. wad an idiot i am too!! back to scolding.. =.= he makes my mom angry every day.. the same person whom cared n love him more than any1 else!! show his damn attitude everytime she ask him abt anyth.. come on.. any1 else would be asked by their parents where they're going like almost everyday!! like he has anyth to lose.. even if he's irritated by those qns he shld still ans.. cos she's his mom right??!??!?! guess wad he said to my mom when she ask her wad time he leaving for sch? "wei4 shen3 me4 ni3 yao4 zhi1 dao4?" oh right.. he qn back.. hoho.. like he dont wad kind of person she is.. just have to make her angry.. like she isnt pissed off everyday at work being scorned by those ppl workin with her? =.= a simple ans: 8am or smth like that would have been fine.. so my mom has no right to even ask him wad time he goes out.. not like she'd intefere or wadsoever.. totally pisses me off.. not matter what is said to him.. he doesn't care.. looking macho n talkin loud is all he can do to hide his pathetic self.. i'd see if that heck-care attitude of his will bring him anywhere..
i've learnt that.. in this world.. it's not abt urself everytime.. whether anot u like how things are done.. u just have to adjust urself.. not talking abt changing ur personality or wadsoever.. but those who think abt themselves all the time.. who think that they can rule the world.. who think that they can speak wadever they want cos of the freedom of speech.. to think that they dont have to pay the consequences of their actions.. are just selfish bastards! heyhey.. this earth contains more than 6 billion ppl.. not only urself? whatever u do.. u have to think too abt the ppl ard u.. not? hoho.. but sometimes it's difficult.. to think abt others while thinking abt urself.. i'm not saying like being all noble.. making sacrifices for others.. but 1st thing 1st.. we need to respect others.. so that maybe.. others can learn to respect us too..
although sometimes i feel.. i shldnt think abt wad others think of me.. wad they do to me.. i shldnt change myself to suit them.. but the truth is no1 can truely stay unaffected.. hmmm.. so being just me is too lonely.. in this world with a population of more than 6 billion.. i'm glad that there's a tiny portion of them in this small dot on the world map.. that would sometimes..... think of me..
- they say.. life is a journey.. that's not always smooth.. i say.. if it's smooth.. than it's not life! in the course of this journey.. there'd be discoveries.. n i hope one of them would be a new me.. -
7:53 PM
